


It's Arrested Development

by amosanguis



Series: crossovers and fusions ftw [58]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: A Series of Sentences, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Gen, arrested development AU, just the highlights really, short scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:24:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9331388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amosanguis/pseuds/amosanguis
Summary: “I’ll have a vodka on the rocks,” Mario says, rubbing at his forehead.“Dad, it’s breakfast,” Sidney sighs.“And a piece of toast.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> These are just a series of quick snippet sentences that I thought I would eventually fill out but never did.

-z-

 

“I’ll have a vodka on the rocks,” Mario says, rubbing at his forehead.

“Dad, it’s breakfast,” Sidney sighs.

“And a piece of toast.”

 

-

 

Mario snorts and says, “I’d rather be dead in Pittsburgh, then alive in Philadelphia.”

 

-

 

Wayne grabs Sidney by his shirt and shakes him, his voice steadily getting louder as he says, “How many times do I have to tell you? There’s. Always. _Money. In. The. Banana stand!_ ”

 

-

 

“I love all my children equally,” Mario insists.

[Earlier]

“I don’t care for Claude.”

 

-

 

“His name is Jack Eichel, dad,” Beau says.  “You’ve met him, like, four times.”

“Him?”

 

-

 

Tyler lifts up his shirt, yells, “Spring Break, whoo!”

 

-

 

“Excuse me,” Kris says, getting the attention of the store clerk.  “Do these effectively hide my thunder?”

 

-

 

Gary Bettman narrows his eyes at Olli, asks, “Aren’t you a little young to be—”

“Marry me,” Olli interrupts with a laugh.

 

-

 

“I’ve made a huge mistake,” Claude says.

 

-

 

“There are my awards, father, from army,” Tomas says.  “The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing.”

 

-

 

“I need you to be completely undressed,” the doctor says.

“I am completely undressed,” Kris says, looking down at himself.

 

-

 

“It’s one banana, Sid,” Mario says, gesturing with his martini.  “What could it cost?  Ten dollars?”

“You’ve never actually been in a supermarket, have you?” Sidney asks.

 

-

 

“I’m having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich,” Wayne says, licking again at his dessert.

 

-

 

“Claude met a man one night,” says the Narrator, showing a picture of Claude and Danny at the altar.  “And after a series of escalating dares, married him.”

 

-

 

“Are you ready for Operation Hot Brother?” Tomas asks, giggling maniacally.

“I’m not ready to call it that,” Sidney says under his breath.

 

-

 

“Wow,” Tomas says, stretching.  “We’re just blowing through nap time aren’t we?”

 

-

 

“We have unlimited juice?” Tomas asks, his eyes turning round.  “This party is going to be off the hook!”

 

-

 

“I’m a scholar,” Tomas says, miffed.  “I enjoy scholarly pursuits.”

Mario sighs, says, “Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.”

 

-

 

“You were flying today, buddy,” Sidney says.

“Yes,” Tomas says.  “But a little too close to the sun.”

“You let him go into the sun?!” Mario demands, rounding on Sidney.

 

-

 

Sidney grins, says, “It’s like we finish each other’s—”

“—sandwiches,” Flower says.

 

-

 

“I don’t mind being compared to my father,” Beau says, grinning.

“Save it for the talk room, son,” Sidney admonishes.

 

-

 

“Plate or platter?” the waitress asks.

“I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it,” Mario snaps.

 

-

 

“Murder, huh?  Who died?” Sidney asks.

“My career,” Claude answers.

“I’m going home now.”

 

-

 

Mario growls, “You’re my third least favorite child.”

“I can live with that,” Sidney says.

 

-

 

“We don’t have to go, do we?” Olli asks.

“Come on,” Sidney says.  “This is a Gretzky-Lemieux family celebration.  It’s no place for children.”

 

-

 

“Excuse me, but I thought my AARP card was good for one and a guest?” Jaromir asks, his tone condescending.

“I knew that society would never accept this,” Tomas yells, standing up from his seat.

The theater boy looked both afraid and stern, his red wand never wavering.

 

-

 

“I may not have Jaromir’s money anymore, but at least I have a live husband,” Mario says, fixing his hair in the mirror.

“He’s lucky to have you as a friend,” Sidney says.

 

-

 

“Claude, what are you doing here?!” Wayne asks.

“Life, dad.  I killed a guy.”

 

-

 

“You call yourself an environmentalist,” Kris says.  “Why don’t you go out and club some beavers?”

Brent knits his eyebrows together and says, “You don’t really get nature, do you?”

 

-

 

“And that’s why you never get out of the tree,” Brent says.

 

-

 

“Am I still in prison?” Claude asks.

“You’re in the hospital,” Mario answers.

“Ta-da.”

 

-

 

“Has your hair always been that curly, Mr. Jagr?”

“It’s Jaromir,” he whispers, putting his hand gently on Tomas’s shoulder.

 

-

 

“Uh, y’know there isn’t a hospital bar, dad?” Sidney asks.

“Hup,” Mario shrugs, “this is why people hate hospitals.”

 

-

 

“Your husband is on line one,” Tyler says.

“My what?” Sidney asks, stopping in his tracks.

_Sidney’s husband, Jack Johnson, had been dead for ten years._

 

-

 

“I shall duck behind this couch,” Carey Price says.

“What a pro,” Sidney says, wonder in his voice.

 

-

 

“Ever get the feeling like you don’t even matter?” Olli asks.

“Only when I’m around my children,” Mario answers.  “I think you and I should spend more time together.”

“Yeah,” Olli agrees, settling in his chair and smirking.  “That’ll drive them crazy.”

Mario echoes the smirk, “Exactly.”

 

-

 

“Don’t worry,” Sidney says, “didn’t feel a thing.  Y’know, dad, I’m crazy about this aspirin – I can’t believe we give it to children.”

 

-

 

Claude throws his arm around Sidney’s shoulders and says, “That’s right, dad, we’re brothers.  And we kinda like each other.”

 

-

 

“I’ve been a horrible father,” Mario says, looking into the middle-distance as he leans against the couch.

Sid, Claude, and Kris share a look, before all three of them say, “No, no you haven’t – we love you.”

 

-

 

“If you cared about your brother, you’d get in this car.”

“Which brother?” Sidney asks.

“Claude,” the man answers.

Sidney immediately starts biking away.

 

-

 

“You’re the only child who chose a spouse I liked and he’s the one who had to die,” Mario groans into his martini.

“I know,” Sidney says, “that’s rough for you.”

 

-

 

“You and dad are getting a divorce?!” Claude asks, panicking.

“Don’t worry,” Mario says, “no one’s fighting over you.”

 

-

 

“Why are you squeezing me with your body?” Sidney asks.

“It’s a hug, Sidney,” Mario answers.  “I’m hugging you.”

 

-

 

 _Kris dancing in the Free Speech Area while being hosed down_.

“There’s someone who could’ve used a good father,” Mario tsks to himself even as he leans over to yell out of the window: “ _Whore!_ ”

 

-z-

 

End.


End file.
